Afraid

I get frightened by those words. Those words said by the dearest and nearest peoples in my life. In a constant Verge of losing myself and gaining myself back, I lost the track of being me. Unfortunately, in making of one realize how it feels to be hurt, I ended up being the one who was hurting. I’ve hurt way more people than I think. And this late realization is drowning me deep into the darkness. I’m afraid to open up ever again. I’m afraid to see myself again cause I believe I’ll probably hate myself. I’m afraid I’ll never be a betterman and I’m afraid of losing myself yet again. I was in a constant pain, these thoughts of mine never rested. I was having trouble submerging myself doing the things I felt passionate about before. I spoke up to the circle where I was comfortable with, I was defending myself from their behaviour of making me feel unworthy. And now I found out I was not only defending but was in a attacking phase too. I can’t defend myself saying “I was making you guys understand my pain”. For most of them my pain wasn’t even real, and for others they didn’t really care , not even right now. But, I’ve hurt them with my subconscious mind and I can’t take it back. I’m sorry.

Afraid to be seen,heard, or understood. Afraid to be the one for their downfall everytime.