Melancholy

I don’t have a particular thought. It’s erratic and damaged in every possible sense. Might be the process, change or just the fear of not being good enough for anyone. I can’t fucking address the cause for this unpleasant sensation that’s making my heart heavier. Tried numbing it for awhile, tried letting it go but it’s not that easy. You feel pain when you are connected to someone or something that you love and have a deep connection, might just be a material but still it counts. You can’t escape this can you? You’ll get pinned down by someone just because you’re afraid of the change, efforts won’t be visible for people but the result will. And that’s the pain. Everyone over here trying to seeking results way more faster than they on their own tracks would ever achieve. The first step you take will remain unseen and unheard just to make you feel bad. The change they seek won’t fucking make them happy and that my friend will be unacceptable. People love destroying your reality, disturbing your peace. Maybe I got alot of shits that I could handle on my own from the people surrounding me. Maybe I got unappreciated, hated and not understood for way more time that built up the wall to soltitude. Or maybe I’m too unskilled communicating to myself. I might be trying to speak out loud but all of consequences I ever faced made me ignore the urge to speak again.